Quote of the Day: “I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn.”     – Henry David Thoreau


I wish I could have flown to NYC for the day and joined in a skip through Central Park and stuff!!!



Ok so, the other night, I had my first Josh Groban dream in YEARS.  I mean, the last one I remember was when I was still with Jackie.  EXACTLY!! 


I dreamed that he used to work at Noodles & Company but quit in August to just sing.  We had gotten to be friends like how I am with David and Dan, actually hanging out and chatting outside of work.  So he sang the opening scene in some opera and took me as his “date” (but not really a date, he just knew that I would appreciate it more than most people under some age).  Then he sat with me and we watched the opera, texting people and joking around sometimes but also enjoying the opera.  During the credits (WTF??), I asked him about this situation that a friend of mine is going through – this friend of mine is doing something harmful but doesn’t realize it and won’t listen to me.  Josh apparently knew about it and had attemped to help this friend out with the same lack of results. 

After the opera, some great kids’ activity was going on and he volunteered to go help out.  While he did, I thought to myself, “Josh is so frickin awesome, I want to take him back to my place.  No, I shouldn’t!  I’m not going to cheat!” So I left to work at a dog obedience school naked and I stepped in a lot of dog doo.

If I was actually given the opportunity in the right situation, I would tap that.  Josh Groban and Johnny Depp are my celebrity exceptions.  And he pretty much has the greatest suit ever in this picture:

I’m a little weirded out that he appeared after so long, though.  Nothing brought this up, he just appeared.  I think, since I’ve been blogging about and reading about how most people aren’t 100% straight or 100% gay, this might have been my subconscious reminding me, “Hey, look at this MALE!”  AAHH OK!!!  But Ashley is still super-amazing; sorry, Josh.


Quote of the Day: “I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.” – Chuang Tzu

So pretty much Sheraden and Katy brought it to my attention that my birthday is less than a month away. 

Yeah 22!  I won’t have to deal with n00bs being all, “Hurrr, I’ll bet you’re happy you can drink legal now!” anymore!!!  I’m actually pretty glad there won’t be any big-deal birthdays for a while (13, 16, 18, 20 and 20 being “big deals”), though I dreaded that when I was 18 and 19.  Unless something changes, I guess my next “big deal” b-day will be 28 since that’s the minimum age I’ve set for myself for having kids.  I’m really glad that’s a long way off . . .

Anyway, my b-day will be the . . . Monday?  Tuesday?  after R-weekend, 4 days of no classes.  A lot of people go to their respective homes or whatever that weekend, so it’s usually a good idea for me not to make plans with anyone from not-here.  If I had my way, I would want to bring a bunch of my friends (Ashley included of course!) to Chicago Thursday + Friday, staying in a hotel since my mom is insane.  Thursday we would spend downtown, Friday we’d sleep in and then spend in suburbia and/or 6 Flags’ Fright Fest; that night a bunch of my high school friends will have their Star Trek marathon (this is actually happening) so I’d bring my WI people there to hang out with my IL people because they’re all awesome.  Saturday morning, we would take a road trip to Galena and meet up with Lauren (very close friend who goes to Augustana U).  It’s about a 3.5 hour drive from Chicago.  We’d all admire everything there and drive back to Milwaukee Sunday.  Ashley could return to Waupaca Cnty Monday morning lol.  I’d take a birthday vacation like that over any material gift (well . . . except for paying off my student loans or a hybrid with the insurance paid off).

But it’s ok that that can’t happen.  Who can afford to take 4 days off life, travel a sum of 10 hours worth of gas at least, and still get homework done?  Where would the money for food, gas, and hotels come from?  Sheraden is having her party Saturday night and I want people to go wherever they want to go all during R Weekend.  Going to Fright Fest might still happen with a few people I guess.  I’m not going to ask people to take a 4 day break from life and spend an assload of money, having a birthday doesn’t mean it’s ok to demand so much.  Hell, as long as I’m dreaming, I’d have my family participate in all this too!!!!

So I dunno what I really want.  I’d still like the downtown Chicago trip and Star Trek get-together to happen (not because it’s Star Trek, I am not a Trekkie, but because it’s a bunch of great people getting together and hanging out) at some point, even if I end up going alone for at least part of the time.  But then I dunno where anyone would stay, I can’t afford a hotel and my mom would, well, be herself.  I’ll have to see her for a few hours no matter what . . .

Quote of the Day: “To linger silently among the beautiful woods, musing on such things as are worthy of a wise and good man.” – Horace

So here it is, exactly 6 years after 9/11/01.  It’s a Tuesday, just like it was the day it happened.  The weather is clear, just like it was the day it happened.

But other than memories, there is no sign of such an anniversary – at least not that I’ve seen

I was a sophomore in high school when it happened.  In a way that would not happen again until my senior year (and other Loyola students have attested to the same experience during their senior years), there was a sense of community across all social cliques and boundaries.  Everyone was equal for once, everyone could and did talk to everyone.  And we all communally realized that what we were experiencing would change everything, would change both history textbooks and the very course of America if not the world.

And when I went to Ground Zero in 8/03, there was a sense of sorrowful permanency, as though the massive canyon below these mourners from around the world could never be healed.  Even the architectural plans in the World Finance Center nextdoor seemed like a hovering dream incompatible with the gaping construction workers below.

Now you all know that I am NOT patriotic AT ALL.  What I believed about war at the time and what I believe about it now are pretty much the same, only I didn’t have the vocabulary then to state it clearly, “I am against war, I am against violent retaliation.  I am against this because we are all people, we need to understand the attackers as brothers and not as enemies.”  But on this day, I do feel united.  I share this experience with billions of people, but Americans can grasp it more than non-Americans.

And yet it seems as though America has forgotten.  My high school peers and I were right about textbooks, but wrong about an annual day of honoring those who died.  The anniversary is not being held dear as we had imagined.  Has it taken just 6 years for the World Trade Center to join the ranks of Pearl Harbor?  When faced with it, one becomes stoic and respectful, but it doesn’t come to mind otherwise. 

My childhood was very peaceful, very little mention of war.  Soldiers, enemies, warfare, etc. were never mentioned.  I started watching Saturday Night Live in ’96 and everything I know about Clinton and his administration, I learned from that show.  Except for a mess about Kosovo – which I still don’t understand! – and checking Sadaam for WMD, there was nothing about war.  I wish that kids today could have such a small-minded childhood, but not to the point of ignoring what has happened.  I don’t want terrorism to be the first political thoughts these kids have, I want them to be entrusted with carrying on the memory of 9/11 with respect.

Quote of the Day: “Over the whole land, Spring thunders down in brilliant silence.” – Ted Hughes

FINISHED!!!!  http://beatles4eva.deviantart.com/art/I-Just-Want-to-Be-a-Good-Man-64358253

I woke up early and finished this 2-month long painting this morning.  I’m very proud of it and I’ll probably touch it up from time to time.  Since I finished this and then went to my Psychology Of The Family class (which stresses gender a lot), my Friday blog entry will, of course, be about gender . . . and how I overanalyze it.

Gender, sexuality, race, religion, status, etc. are not black and white at all.  Male and female are not the only genders.  Homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual are not the only sexualities.  Etc.  However, since the English language is dinky to say the least, we are stuck with these polarities.  Most people strive to fit into one category, under one label.  And, since one category is usually held to be better than the other, those under “lesser” lables may strive to either become or earn the favor of the “best” category.

I think that gender and sexuality are both continuums and very very few people fit 100% into either extreme or even in the exact middle.  However, because there are so many myths and expectations and barriers shrouding “male” and “female,” how can one know what’s what?  Because I wear makeup, does that make me more of a woman?  If I wouldn’t wear heels, would that make me less of a woman?  Those are human-created ideas attached to the concept of “female,” but does the attention to physical aesthetics really mean womanlihood?  Biology and tendency don’t make up gender, but what does?  A mindset?  A mindset can’t be categorized, it’s entirely subjective.

I think the two ends of the sexual orientation spectrum are a bit clearer – either you consort with the same gender or you consort with the opposite gender, everything after that are stereotypes.  But then there is everything between those ends and “bisexuality” and “pansexuality” both suggest perfect 50/50. 

I know I’m not 100% homosexual, there have been a few guys to whom I’ve been attracted (Johnny Depp).  And I would date transpeople or genderqueer people – I’ve asked out a transgendered guy.  But since I pretty much only date women and I’m more attractted to women than to men, I can and do identify as a lesbian.  Also, though I’m not entirely sure what it means to be a “woman,” I know that I’m somewhere between “woman” and “androgynous/genderqueer” on the gender spectrum.

The lines between all these categories of gender, sexuality, race, etc. are blurring and I’m glad.  Making such definite, finite terms has been a survival mechanism.  Survival is no longer an issue, so people are beginning to tear down the labels and question what’s behind them.  GOOD!